I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize