I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
