Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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