What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
