i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
