soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
