apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize