He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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