Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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