No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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