I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
