new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
