The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
