i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
