You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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