New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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