Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
