I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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