i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just pee around me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I touched a dick in church today
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
