Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
