This is not my ceiling
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
