well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
