My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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