I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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