we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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