Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
