1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my poor anus
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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