is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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