I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
