conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
