I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
