Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
