when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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