just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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