smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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