omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
