Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
