I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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