All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I think I have vodka in my lungs
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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