I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
