you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
