Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
