before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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