I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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