I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
