i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
