they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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