people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize
