I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
