I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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