Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
