she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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