hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
