My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
