2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
