I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
