Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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