dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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