At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
