Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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