I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
