Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
